Games · Strategy Games

Europa Universalis IV: The Portuguese-Anzac Armada

When we left off in the last episode, I had gotten Not So Sad A State… and had made many blunders that by 1600 left me, as Portugal, not as necessarily strong as I could have been. However, quite a bit has passed in the 76 years since so I’ll give you another dose of what’s been going on. And, without meaning to brag, it’s all started going rather well. That’s your tl;dr, that I’ve suddenly started figuring out how to play this game properly.

When I left off last time, I had lots of colonies but no colonial dominance, England was beating me to nearly all of South Africa and quite a lot of Brazil and Mexico, I’d only just gotten a foothold on slightly more than Portugal’s national borders on the Iberian peninsula, and Morocco was allied to both England and Aragon, leaving my network of Portugal-France-The Papal States unsure as to whether a war could be won. Oh, and Kilwa had shown some weird affinity to the plight of the Granadans and had freed them from me when I peaced out in their favour. In 1600, I had just come out of a war I’d only won through what felt like sheer luck, with my army gone and my manpower reserves down the drain. So there needed to be some rebuilding effort going on. This started by waiting out 10 years doing little but colonising, and waiting for my manpower to recover. The truce with Granada finally ran out in 1610, and I was ready and waiting to go with merely 3000 troops more than Granada, but they proved no trouble with no alliances or anyone to back them up, bringing southern Spain back under my control. My army would recover surprisingly quickly from then on and the next time I would wage a war in Europe it would be on a par with Aragon’s disturbingly large army.

But for now I needed to focus on colonisation, set back by too many pointless wars in Europe, I wanted to get a large colonial area under my control. And that led me to consider Australia. I had started colonising Mauritius for that sweet sweet dodo meat a while back and it played the important task of extending my colonial range all the way to Western Australia. I of course, upon finally landing a colonist there, gained the achievement Down Under, bringing my total to 16 achievements. At some point around this time I also got 3000 gold for the first time in a game and completed It’s All About The Money. But I quickly snapped up all of Western Australia, moved over to Southern Australia, and as no other European powers were anywhere near, except for England of course, who had been island hopping across the rest of the Indian Ocean, I decided to spend the rest of the century colonising the entirety of Australia and New Zealand, ensuring that the warm southern hemisphere utopias of this world’s 21st century would be speaking Portuguese while flipping shrimps and fighting sharks and searching for hobbits. Once that colonial nation had formed, with New Portugal, Caraibas, Portuguese Colombia, Portuguese Brazil and now Portuguese Australia, I obtained The Five Colonies.

In Europe though, I quickly decided to take all of Brittany for myself after discovering they had no allies, were begging to be invaded and quite honestly I don’t know why France had left them survive that long. I decided the time had come to finally give myself the upper hand against Aragon. Finally catching them off guard, they were continually going to war with Tunis and by extension the Ottomans, so while they were busy with kebab, I pushed my claim on the provinces in central Spain, and after spending a pleasant few years sieging and looting their provinces, took as much as possible off them while also ordering them to annul their treaties with Castile and Morocco. This gave me the perfect opportunity to finish Castile at my leisure while popping a bottle of port as my army quietly sieged Toledo to the ground. Castile still existed, but they merely had Luxembourg to their name and so were barely worthy of the name Iberian. In the mean time, Persia rivaled me. I have not the foggiest why they bothered. I did have the Goa event by this point but still, we were clearly not going to war for the foreseeable future.

Where I was going to war though, was England. The time had come. I stationed my army and fleet in Brittany, and after a couple of false starts where I waited for the proper English army to move away to the essential task of besieging the windswept and grey Scottish isles, myself and France got a beach landing and started making our way through Southern England. After we got London and moved a bit further north, the war was basically over. I did not go much further as the English army did move down and standoff in adjacent provinces to my army and the French army sieging down forts, and at a point where it looked like a bad battle between the English and the French was about to start, I drafted a peace deal. This peace deal nonetheless contained everything I wanted, it contained Tasmania, which I intended to start the war over but in actuality accidentally picked some obscure place in Alabama, the entirety of English Brazil, to now become Portuguese Brazil, of course, St. Helena, and Inhambane in Mozambique where England had swooped in after my original colony there had been destroyed by Kilwa. The English colonial dream wasn’t over, they still had South Texas, Louisiana, half of South Africa and NE Mexico, but it was vastly crippled. They almost immediately formed Great Britain after peacing out, I found that slightly ironic.

I diligently went back to plonking colonies along the Oceanian coast, dealing with a few rebels in the colonial nations and planning my next move. One thing that did draw my attention is that Scotland, despite being reduced to Ireland and the northern Isles and highlands now, owns Panama (curiously leaving Darien well alone for now), most of the Lesser Antilles, and California. It’s really weird having them as a major colonial nation as I keep needing to check that they’re not Castile. But nevertheless, they are the only major European power left to threaten me in owning the Caribbean, so the 18th century draws near and I can see some pirating privateering in my future…

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